Texan Attraction

Rainy Day, Miss December

Given the rollercoaster year we had in 2011, I'd say that we've ended on some thankfully positive notes. While the year started out and developed to look like one of the more disappointing years in the past decade, salvation came in the form of a couple of sensational talents that made their mark and allowed us to forget the missteps of the past. Duds like Mattingly made way for gems like Cerny, and we made lemonade in the latter half.

Fittingly, after some great ladies in September, October, and November, we should see the grand finale in the last month. As is always pointed out, great December Playmates used to be something of an expectation (Tiffany Fallon, Teles Twins, Lani Todd, Karen McDougal, Elisa Bridges, Barbara Moore...). I really thought we had one in Miss December, Rainy Day Jordan. Rainy had made her way to Playmate status through the Casting Calls circuit (in February) and as a Coed of the Week in April. Her quick ascension brings her to cap off a mystifying, but ultimately satisfying, year.

I initially had a great first impression of Rainy Day when I laid my eyes on her preview pictorial. Since she was extremely unpolished before as a COTW, it was something of a surprise to see her in her comfortable element, posing with a sexy, sinewy frame that looked spectacular in the soft lighting. If the Playmate pictorial only took it from there, I thought, we could have the PMOY on our hands.

But, alas, it didn't quite work out that way. But then again, not so bad either. With Rainy Day, you get kind of a mixed bag. She is certainly unlike other models we've seen this year, with a more unique face and a totally different body type. I feel like the way the pictorial displayed her face in such harsh light really ruined it for me, as it exposed some of the issues with the evenness in her facial skin tone and other features. Rainy's face is certainly her biggest issue, and it reflects poorly when the editors can't get it just right. When it is done right, like in this shot, her pouty lips and gorgeous eyes don't take away from anything at all.

Still, when she's photographed well, she's definitely a wonder. Her skill in front of the camera is among the best we've seen in 2011, and she can lay down some sexual bombshells. But, as in many Playboy pictorials of late, she isn't ever allowed to spread out and explore the boundaries, making the whole thing seem rather restrictive and boring. You can tell that Rainy is one of the more outwardly sexual girls of the year (much more so than Amanda or Ciara), but she's kept in the same box as all of them. There are just too many repetitive shots like this, and not enough creative, freestyle shots like this around.

All in all, when you get down to what makes Miss Jordan unique this year, you can't avoid talking about her body. It's definitely the hottest body of the year. Rainy is the tallest Playmate of 2011 (5' 9") while still having the best waist-hip ratio of any of them (0.647 - the lowest since Dasha Astafieva in 2009). Rainy is perfectly proportioned, gorgeously tanned, and has smooth, almost palpable skin that makes her absolutely stunning in the glow of the photos.

• Face: B
  Rainy's biggest issue, her face just does not come off very attractively in hard light, and the editors use it plenty in her Playmate spread. Although she has penetrating hazel eyes and lovely wispy hair, her sometimes awkward looks detract from an otherwise near-perfect model.
• Body: A+
  Despite being the tallest Playmate of the year, Rainy maintains a rather curvy physique, one with some of the best measurements we've seen in a few years. Her amazing hips and smooth, natural contours are a sight to behold. Her golden brown skin is silky in pictures. This is how and why she got the nod for Playmate, after hitting the scene in under a year.
• Talent: A
  Rainy is probably one of the more unrestrained and freewheeling girls of the 2011 class. Although we only get to see glimpses of her talent, it's definitely there. She maintains a coy, sensual persona throughout, and comes with an attitude that melds Texas farm girl with unbridled enthusiasm.
• Pictorial: B
  While Rainy is a great talent, she got a raw deal when it comes to her final pictorial spread. The meandering, pointless photos follow a familiar cowgirl theme, which is very fitting and sexy, but are executed horribly. The quality of the model saved it with her natural looks, but besides that, it's just uninspired photography.
• Centerfold: B+
  While nothing special, Rainy's centerfold is solidly sexy, and shows off a good amount of her body. The direct look does a good job of depicting her hit-or-miss face.
• Overall: A-
  The year came in with a whimper, but certainly finished with quite a bit of a roar. Rainy Day did a great job of following up some of her highly touted predecessors. With the main attraction being her sexy and perfectly proportioned physique, Miss Jordan was a fine choice for Playmate. Just as in recent months (and years), though, Playboy's editors dropped the ball by inserting an otherwise awesome model into a drab, boring set of photos. The uninspired Western theme was a cookie-cutter choice, and didn't do Rainy justice, just as Ciara was also jilted. Still, Rainy is going to be up there in many fans' lists for Playmate of the Year. Although I doubt she will get too much consideration for the top prize (much more will go to Ciara, Amanda, and Tiffany), Rainy has certainly made her mark on the Class of '11, and will definitely fall in my top 5.

Well, there we have it! All 12 Playmates have been set, and we're ready for PMOY voting to heat up. I'll publish my usual full rundown of all twelve, including my annual ranking, around the end of the year. We had some serious ups and downs this year, but it was all worth it in the end. Thanks for reading!

Texan Attraction

Momentum, Halted

After such an amazing crop of Playmates in 2009, one cannot expect that this momentum can last forever, especially given Playboy's reputation. We've been disappointed time and time again in the past, where just as things were starting to take off, they would introduce a series of duds that put everything back off track.

We closed out an awesome 2009 and opened 2010 with another gorgeous model in Jaime Faith Edmondson. Her mature style and incredible poise were enough to immediately fault her into PMOY discussion, albeit the fact that she debuts at the beginning of the year.

Well, with the rate February and March have gone, you might as well pencil Jaime in for the time being. Miss February 2010 is Heather Rae Young, a 22 year old blonde bombshell from southern California. I know, thinking out of the box, right? For Playboy, this is another cookie cutter girl with a complete lack of talent, not to mention an inherent lack of really memorable good looks. Yes, Heather is nothing out of the ordinary, and it's easy to see that from her weak pictorial.

Heather looks like nothing more than a typical blonde Playmate, and she even adds to that negative energy with some flaws here and there. She is simply not interesting, and has a horrible sense for the camera. Her sleepy-eyed look pervades her photos, and sometimes gets in the way of her posing.

Granted, Heather has a pretty nice body. It's pretty well-proportioned (albeit the complete lack of butt), and has a tanned glow that is prevalent in her photos. In fact, that's obviously the only reason this Hef-mate made the ranks as a Playmate in the first place. Given her extensive pictorial, it's hard to find a photo that makes you walk away thinking of her. And it's bland, clueless expressions like this one that make you wonder if she was ever prepared for the shoot in the first place.

• Facial: C+ If there was any beauty in Heather's face, it is disguised by the bored, sleepy, and clueless expression she often sticks on her face. This trait definitely hurts her the most.
• Body: B+ This may be overlooked because of her other flaws, but she is tanned and chiseled. She could use more of a butt, though.
• Talent: B- With no active movement and a series of one-dimensional poses, it's hard to see what qualifies her.
• Pictorial: C The awful posing combined with the total lack of variety or production value make it a total dud.
• Centerfold: C+ Nothing distinguishes the centerfold from any one of her pictorial photos. What's the deal with that?
• Overall: C+ Heather is destined to go down as one of the worst Playmates of 2010. Her complete lack of interest, combined with Playboy's obvious efforts to just "get the job done," create a total disaster. Heather has absolutely no talent, and does not even deliver a sliver of hope that there is anything beneath her veil of passive posing. If Playboy even changed up the pictorial here and there, we could see something outside of the standard "bathtub shots," but instead, we get nothing.

Miss March, Floridian Kyra Milan, is a 20 year old that Playboy fans have had their eyes on for a while. Ever since she was announced, there was a lot of buzz about her unique looks and young, vibrant demeanor. In the end, what we're getting is a mixed bag.

Kyra is what you make of her, and this is a girl where opinions may

differ widely. I myself haven't quite decided what to make of her, and that may be both good and bad. Kyra is a pretty girl, and she has a lot of spunk to her that makes her look overly young. She doesn't have a whole lot of meat on her bones, which some may find a turn-off. I think it just depends on the picture. When looking at her headshot, you may think that you're peeking in on someone even half her age. I personally like my women to look 20-25 years old, but that is your choice.

When Kyra strips it all off, she has flashes of true brilliance. In this shot, she is a sultry and ravenous queen, with lots of aggressive energy. But, she can just as easily turn it around with some awkward posing, with this strange, wide-eyed shot that takes an unflattering look at her bony butt. Her quick turnarounds are difficult to gauge, because she just looks so different in each of her shots. In this photo, she is stunning, and the production is great, with all sorts of colors meshing with her body's character. Then, she can turn around and hit you with one of these very questionable shots, which exposes every one

of her flaws, including her very pronounced chin and upper lip, as well as her overly skinny torso.

For the most part, Kyra's photos are rather awkward. She has trouble hitting winning poses, and her body and face are strange enough that they come through when not photographed right. Now, this is not to say that Kyra is not a beautiful woman, because she surely is (in small doses). This smooth balcony photo, or even her very well-done centerfold, are testaments to her potential. However, she's just not consistent enough.

• Facial: B- One of Kyra's most questionable traits is her face, which is not very subtle or attractive, but instead has very strong features that are usually photographed awkwardly.
• Body: B- Kyra isn't that slim on paper (120 lbs), but she can look very boney in many photos, taking away from the fact that she has some pleasant features.
• Talent: B She is an overall average talent in front of the camera, with a decent amount of variety in posing, and a nice knack for the camera. She can get tiresome, though.
• Pictorial: B Kyra's photos are not very memorable, but she has a nice bit of variety sprinkled throughout, and the photographer does a good job of playing to her strengths, which lie in her height (such as when she's prone on the bed).
• Centerfold: B+ Her pictorial is actually one of the best photos in her collection, with a well-shot full frontal highlighting the nice tone of her skin.
• Overall: B- While an improvement over Heather Rae's portfolio, Kyra doesn't do much to spice up the early race for 2011 PMOY. She is indeed an enigmatic Playmate, and one where there may be plenty of discussion over her merits. However, in the long run, her relatively weak and bland performance combined with some awkward and forgettable posing and production will be the end of Miss Milan. Though she is an interesting entry into the race, and one that mixes things up a little, we're better off seeing more girls like we did in 2009. Bring 'em back!

Momentum, Halted

Falling Short of Greatness

A sharp, tight body can help
 Miss April go a long way.

So far this Playmate calendar year, we've been searching for the first true contender for Playmate of the Year. It's been a rough one, with girls like Ashley Mattingly simply not being good looking enough, and the top contender, Kylie Johnson, just not having the complete package it takes to be really great.

Here in April, we're presented with by far the most promising candidate, Jaclyn Swedberg, Miss April 2011. Jaclyn has a background in Playboy that's more extensive than most, with appearances on numerous Playboy TV shows and other features. In them, she exudes the persona of the resident 'badass,' with leather and motorcycles being her primary M.O.

She carries that over into her Playmate appearance. Jaclyn hammers it home with a consistent theme to her pictorial, but doesn't quite put it all together into something that truly complements her appearance. On the surface, Jaclyn is a gorgeous girl. She's wholesome, and fits the girl-next-door experience quite well. With a very attractive, youthful, face, Jaclyn draws in the audience. That's what really sells her style, since the pictorial doesn't go into enough depth, as I'll discuss later. Instead, she relies on some sexy stares, combined with a slim, sleek silhouette to pull her through.

Jaclyn almost has the entire package. She's very warm and inviting, and alternates this with a sharp sense of sexuality that sells her leather and biker image. The sheer depth of her facial features and the color of her body are just breathtaking. While not so toned and curvaceous as the modern Playmate, she has a lanky, tall build that really is beautiful to look at. All in all, she is awesomely photogenic, and has plenty of talent to tie it all in.

All that said, Jaclyn falls just short of greatness. This is due to the fact that her pictorial just never seems complete, with Jaclyn being unbelievably bashful about showing her genitals, which is too bad, since some long distance shots in her video show off a cute set of lips in glancing shots. It's not just this fact, but also that the pictorial never gives the audience a look at the subtleties that really characterize a beauty like Jaclyn's. She can just be low-key and clothed, and still exude a sense of poise. That's amiss in her material, and this is a plain shame.

• Face: A
  Easily the best face in a year full of awkward mugs, Jaclyn is just gorgeous to admire. Her piercing eyes and beautifully shaped jawline are extremely picturesque, and those lucious locks of soft hair just flow in every photo. She can overdo those pouty lips at times, but they can also do wonders in close-ups.
• Body: A- Jaclyn isn't as busty and curvy as most Playmates of the modern era, but her slim waist and great length in a slinky, cute package make her irresistible. Her body is just incredibly photogenic, and it almost looks as though she was destined to pose in the nude. Just a pleasure to look at.
• Talent: A-
  With a quick glance with those amazing eyes, or a flip of the legs into the air, her slender body combined with an irresistibly charming persona make her a talented girl. She knows how to use every ounce of her sex appeal.
• Pictorial: B
  Although the production value is great and the photographer hits all the right angles, it seems as though there is quite a bit still missing. The motorbike theme doesn't quite suit Jaclyn as well as one would hope. She seems like a more wholesome girl who could be better suited to a subtle home theme. More importantly, the pictures are not in the least bit revealing, and may be a bit too softcore for Playboy in the modern era.
• Centerfold: B
  It is definitely a beautiful photo, but leaves a lot to be desired. It also suffers from rampant overproduction, as with most centerfolds. Jaclyn's beauty is in its depth and color, and both are ruined here.
• Overall: B+
  Jaclyn, at first glance, has it all together. She is a gorgeous woman with subtle and intricate beauty that one can spend a long time observing. She isn't a simple girl, and there is a lot to her posing style, which makes her an excellent pick for Playmate. She is, by far, the best girl of the year so far, and a true contender for Playmate of the Year. However, she still did not deliver as much as she could have, and you all know how much PlayboyCritic values material. The pictorial was not complete, as much as her Jukebox videos were (which really did a good job of showing the girl-next-door bubbly side to her, which I wish was emphasized more in her pictorial). She really has it in her, which makes her a stunning model; but there's just something that keeps her from being truly great, and that's a shame.

Falling Short of Greatness